Bun In The Oven

mmmmilk: THIS ENTIRE PHOTO SUMS UP MY PREGNANCY - A lot of...

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 16:30:34 -0700

mmmmilk:

THIS ENTIRE PHOTO SUMS UP MY PREGNANCY - A lot of compassion for my child, but not a lot for anyone else, hahaha.

Recently did a group maternity shoot with some other local hot...

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 16:29:22 -0700

Recently did a group maternity shoot with some other local hot mamas!

Bloom Photography x Hissyfits Resale x My Daddy’s Shirt

mmmmilk: Less than 4 weeks left! 😂 (Taken with...

Fri, 08 Jun 2012 23:03:32 -0700

mmmmilk:

Less than 4 weeks left! 😂 (Taken with Instagram)

Please, hurry.

Life Things

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 22:02:00 -0700

Welp, I’m coming around to the 4 week countdown until my due date! Ella is still breech, and I’ll be talking to my OB on Wednesday about how we can flip her, or how he handles breech deliveries if we can’t get her to settle head first before she decides she wants out. I’m honestly terrified of having to opt for a c-section, and would love to try to deliver her vaginally if I can. Other than that, all I have to do is pick up my car seat/stroller traveling system at the end of the week and I’m pretty prepared for her arrival home. I can’t say I’m emotionally there yet, but are any first time moms?

During my entire pregancy I refuse to romanticize the idea of having a child - and it was espcially hard on me given the situation with my ex - which is the reason I don’t parade around my excitement I actually have in me about becoming a mother. It’s easy for me to sit in a room with another mom and talk about parenting styles and the love one has raising their child. I love those conversations, I love building the confidence in myself that I can be a great mom while implimenting rules and ethics in my home. I’m scared and terrified for so much, but I’m absolutely ecstatic for my little girl to arrive. I still don’t romanticize the idea of having a child under these circumstances, but I am in love with the idea of raising a bright and beautiful girl.

We - meaning my ex and I - have been on great terms for Ella’s arrival, and I’m happy to know he’s going to be by my side through it all. It’s been a long journey for us, seeing as we split nearly a year ago, but we have worked to set our differences aside and have grown up a little more to see the reality of this sutuation in its entirety. For me, that’s all I could ask for and I’m happy that we aren’t making things harder on ourselves anymore.

My life is still not where I’d love to be, all of my ducks are not in the pretty row I imagined in the fall but my life is not bad and there’s so many amazing people around me and all of the means are right in front of me to get where I want to be. I have so much faith in the life I’m going to provide.

And, with that said. I’m so happy for the people who have been by my side through the thick and thin of the past 7 or so months. The ones who have reached out to make sure I was okay. The ones who have extended their hands of help. The ones who always encouraged me to stay positive and never lose sight of what I was sacrificing for. Those people are much more than friends, they are my family. At this point in my life, there is only a handful of people who I am bound to by blood that I truly call family and I don’t need to justfy the reasons as to why there are plenty more who I don’t feel obligated to open my heart and life to.

As long as these next few weeks are going to be, I am so happy to be waiting patiently for my little lady’s arrival. Nesting and resting as much as possible until then. :)

"You can’t be afraid to pee yourself a little if you’re pregnant."

Mon, 28 May 2012 19:57:24 -0700

“You can’t be afraid to pee yourself a little if you’re pregnant.”

- I NEED TO WRITE A PREGNANCY QUOTE BOOK (via mmmmilk)

Having a mommy-to-be meltdown today

Sun, 27 May 2012 07:32:26 -0700

I have a feeling I will be buying a lot of the bigger items on my registry, and I’d like to know what other now mommies consider are the “necessary” home/traveling items you need for the first 3-4 weeks of taking care of a newborn. I’ll be going back to work 2-3 weeks after baby, so I can start buying all of those “items of convenience.”

So, what essential items (list them all!) do you recommend I’ll need?

BABY REGISTRY

Sun, 20 May 2012 23:16:00 -0700

BABY REGISTRY:

For those of you who are attending my baby shower - or maybe you’re too far to attend - here’s a reminder link to my registry.

♥

If you haven’t already RSVP’d to the shower, shoot an email to babyshower4sable@gmail.com. If you think I forgot to invite you, I probably did because Facebook and texts only go so far, and for that I am sorry! Shoot me a message and I’ll give you the details!

Life Things

Sun, 20 May 2012 23:11:27 -0700

Tonight I saw the movie, What To Expect When You’re Expecting, with my roommate’s mom. It was absolutely hilarious, and held a lot of truth.. I knew the 15 other pregnant women there we’re all like, “THIS IS MY LIFE!”

I guess the only part of the movie I had a hard time relating to was the relationship with the father support. Seeing all of the couples made me wish I had more middle fingers. To this day my ex hasn’t touched my belly, even though some of his friends have, but that doesn’t seem to motivate him. People wonder how I can be okay with that, but I do know he’s still scared and wants to do his own thing. I guess the only thing I can expect is that he shows up to the hospital when I tell him I’m having the baby.. And I’m okay with that. He’s not a horrible person, we have a decently functioning friendship, and have been meeting in the middle with time with our dog lately without arguing.

I’ve been told time and time again that I’m the nicest, most sane, understanding and emotionally kept pregnant woman for being in my situation. And it’s true, for the most part. If things get fizzy between my ex and I, I drop the conversation and try again another day with a smile on my face. I don’t ask for much, and I certainly do not expect much either.

To be honest ladies, arguing with a baby’s daddy is such a waste of air. A man already has his mind made up, and a crazy baby’s mama isn’t going to change his mind just because you hold him to expectations in a situation that he’s already not okay with. That was a hard realization, I fought for weeks to get him to take prenatal classes, and I know the whole entire time he’s going to be hating me for it.

There are only a few battles worth fighting for.. And they should only be relevant to the welfare of your child. Not one thing about a relationship, our past or either of our social lives because it doesn’t matter what he’s doing, or who he’s seeing and vice versa.. We both already know we’re not trying to jump into a relationship and love someone else. How can I be upset that he’s out with a girl? I can’t. Plain and simple.

It’s amazing how many women can be the most selfless person when it comes to their child, but cannot get over themselves enough to treat the father of their child with the same respect. I do not let my ex get away with everything, in fact, he’s very aware of the bullshit I will not tolerate and that I do expect him to be an adult when he needs to.. But, at the end of the day he makes his own decisions.

If you’re worried about your baby’s dad letting down your child, then realistically it’s not your job to make sure that doesn’t happen. It’s his, and you can only prepare to be there the extra 110% to prove that a single parent household doesn’t mean they are any less loved or privileged than kids with two parents, seperated or together.

I’ve been encouraged to write more of my single mom-to-be thoughts down, but I don’t like over thinking this situation as the outcome is yet to be. I can however keep my cool about doing this whole entire pregnancy on my own, and confident that it’s only making me stronger. Yes, it can suck and it can be painfully lonely, but it’s the security in myself that keeps me going. The security to know that I don’t *need* the company or support of a man, boyfriend, or whatever to get through the nights, or be my ego boost because yeah, being single and pregnant is sort of the biggest cock block ever to guys who would probably be with you if you weren’t pregnant.

I’m not sure where this is going, but I know that if I can handle being single now, I can handle being single when my nights are spent with my beautiful daughter and knowing that she is the only person in this world I have an obligation to make happy. My ex, and his social life cannot impede that mission, nor can the bittersweet nights of lonliness.

Body Things

Sun, 20 May 2012 22:36:00 -0700

The physical change everyone usually expects during pregnancy is happening over night it seems like. You can finally see the weight I’ve gained, my belly is getting more round from it’s previous pointy shape it held, my feet swell off and on, and my skin breaks occasionally too. The skin on my belly is holding up well still, and my doctor says baby is growing beautifully.

BUT ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE, WHAT’S UP WITH THESE BRAXTON HICKS?

Friday night I had 5+ hours of mild Braxton Hicks contractions, and I was put on bed rest and was told to stay out of the gym! Since then, they’ve slowed down but they have intensified when they happen. Ella ~*comfortably*~ sits head down, and kicks my rib cage now.. Breathing can become a chore too. Standing up and stretching is my only relief. Gah.

I thought I was going to be a magical pregnancy unicorn until the end, but I guess not. :(

Since I’m limited to my social activities, I’ve...

Sun, 20 May 2012 22:24:17 -0700

Since I’m limited to my social activities, I’ve taken up paper crafts.. I’m making the flag banner for Ella’s baby shower and starting to develop a cute little theme for the party.

I sort of just wing these things.

Holy Crap

Sun, 13 May 2012 20:45:00 -0700

I’m coming up to a 7 week countdown, which really means I should be preparing for a 5 week countdown! I just printed a list to pack a hospital bag, I’m just finishing up my registry and handing out the rest of my invites for my baby shower.

I’ve decided on cloth diapers, and found an amazing company here in Arizona - recommended by another cloth diapering mommmy - with a fabulous infant starter package and a household cleaning system to replace a diaper service. The package will get me on my cloth diapering feet, and will save this single mama a ton of money! For you other mamas looking into cloth diapers, but don’t know what to do for your registry, take a look at mine and the company (Does out of state, too!) I’ve decided with.

I’ve also decided on breastfeeding, and I know the pump I’m looking at is a little spendy, but it will be put to good, long-term use! I’m hoping to feed for a year, at least! I know I will have so much to blog about once Ella arrives. :)

My Registry

Printing baby shower invitations today, then using the left over...

Wed, 09 May 2012 15:36:47 -0700

Printing baby shower invitations today, then using the left over butterfly paper to mod podge onto the ELLA letters. :)

Hit the pool at Hotel Valley Ho in Scottsdale today, I felt...

Sun, 06 May 2012 19:56:04 -0700

Hit the pool at Hotel Valley Ho in Scottsdale today, I felt great! 32 weeks is right around the corner this week! :)

Life Things

Tue, 01 May 2012 00:30:54 -0700

About time for an update, although I’m not sure how much I can put into words.

I’m sneaking up to 31 weeks on Wednesday which means I’m reaching the home stretch! I am definitely not where I want to be with my living situation for Ella and I, seeing as I did not move to Oregon like I had previously started to plan for, but I have to keep one foot in front of the other to get there. So Arizona for me, and moving into a new apartment just short of Ella’s arrival. That’s suuuch a stressful thought, and a part of me wonders how I’m going to do it but I’m hopeful that something will pull through.

My baby shower date has been set, and I will be sending out the invitations so soon. I’m glad we could finally sort though the details and get the show on the road. I’m hoping the Arizona heat will treat my baby shower well, as it is at a local park in Phoenix. But none-the-less I am excited for the detail planning with my roommate and her mom.

At the beginning of my 2nd Trimester I did a pregnancy survey, which I am going to do again starting tomorrow! I’m looking forwards to seeing how my life and pesception has changed since earlier this year.

It’s getting late and I have work at 8am, and I’m falling asleep with a lot on my mind still but I will update more tomorrow. :)

mmmmilk: No make up, no clothes.. Pregnancy is awkward.

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 18:27:40 -0700

mmmmilk:

No make up, no clothes.. Pregnancy is awkward.

Body Things Pt XVIII

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 09:28:00 -0700

Doctor says I’m measuring up for my size, and that my basketball belly is growing beautifully for entering my 3rd Trimester. It’s hard to believe that I’ve gained 20 pounds, but perhaps my determination to not use my pregnancy as an excuse to be lazy has helped. I’m doing pretty well on the stretch mark home front *knock on wood* and keeping my skin pretty moisturized. I hate being so self-conscious but think it’s completely normal to have thoughts that your body suffice pregnancy without battle wounds and will bounce back amazingly. I won’t be completely let down if the next handful of weeks take a turn for the worst.

I’m eating well, I’m mostly sleeping well — tummies are hard to accomidate sometimes — and I feel great mentally even with all the other stuff loaded on my plate. One day at a time, and all the patience and persistence will pay off.

Dear Ella --

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 00:47:00 -0700

I feel like I don’t talk to you enough lately now that I don’t live alone in my apartment, but every day I think of writing you letters and the things I will say to you when I get to hold you in my arms.

I’m scared, I’m scared beyond belief that I won’t be able to do this on my own. That you will grow up without an amazing father, which I had when I grew up. That I will struggle to give you the best life you deserve. I know it’s never easy for parents, especially single parents, do it on their own and they eventually seek help from those who love them, but you will learn with age that your mom has a hard time asking for help. I have so much on my plate every day I wish time would just slow down, or maybe extend a few more hours of the day. Every day passes so quickly when you’re in a routine which is consumed by being on time.

Just about 11 more weeks until you’re here, and that realization stopped my heart today. I have so much to do still, and I’m scared it won’t be all done by then. I’m sorry you won’t be getting a traditional nursery, but you will have a roof over your head and your mother’s love to make up for it. You will have food in your belly, clothes on your tiny body, a bed to sleep in, and family to take care of you. And you will learn that in reality, when you have to live within your means, it’s possible to love your life.

I’ll say this now, my dad was not ready to take on a daughter when I was born, especially by himself, but he did it. Even though we lived in a apartment and sometimes we didn’t have a car, I look back now and am so proud of my father, and my life to know that we’re going to be okay.

Whatever happens to daddy is his choice, I cannot continue to dwell on his actions from here on out. If he is there, I’m sure he will be the greatest man in your life, and it is not my responsibility to prove it to you. And right now, as excited as I am, I’m full to my neck in fear to do this alone.. But I promised myself I would give you the world, and I won’t stop until I get there Ella.

I love you, and every single change you’ve brought to my life. Your life is now our life, and every step I take in life will be for you. ♥

mmmmilk: And in other news, I like to wear Ella’s towel around...

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 19:54:00 -0700

mmmmilk:

And in other news, I like to wear Ella’s towel around like I’m 3.

Some how this ended up being an item of use.

Third Trimester

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 11:55:36 -0700

Well, I’m down to an estimated 80-some days left, thats 12 weeks and for those who don’t speak in gensation, about 3 more months. I day dream of Ella’s and I’s life together between me working and being home. I’m thinking if bath time, play time, feeding time, family time.. But most importantly I’m thinking of how I’m going to give her all of these things and making sure we don’t have to struggle more than we have to.

For anyone, being a first time parent is not easy so I cannot go into this with a mindset that I’ve got everything under control. I can however go into this with the idea that I’m going to do this alone, regardless of family and her dad. I’m going to have to plan and budget on baby sitters when I work, her being a fussy baby, changing every diaper by hand and Moby wrapping her to my body just to get around to cleaning the house. I’m going to have to plan on not missing what 22 is “supposed” to feel like.. and to be honest, I’m already ready to start giving up what people like to tell me are the “wonder years” for the real Wonder Years of being a parent.

There is so much about this sitation that hurts me, and there’s a lot of me that looks back to a year and a half ago when my ex and I were happy, in love, and living together. There’s just a small handful of choices I would have made differently that would change where I’m at today. But, I know I cannot dwell on opportunities lost. Right now, all I can do is cross my fingers. All I can do is prepare for a bumpy ride. All I can do is continue to give my 100% in hopes that not only does it provide a great life for Ella, but that my love and hardwork encourage her dad to what is right, too.

They say the last trimester is the slowest, but when you’re in my position it has a tendancy to fly by. I’m still in limbo with staying in Arizona or moving to Oregon, but for reasons that are a hard toss up with money vs. convenience. And alas, family is just like friends.. They too can only sacrifice so much time and any sort of support before realizing they have their own lives too.

I’m ready to start crossing those bridges though. My next bridge is my baby shower, and the reality of all the new baby stuff coming my way. Also, bi-weekly prenatal appointments and preparing to move.

I’m ready, I’m ready to give Ella and I a foundation to start living our lives on. I’m ready to love her unconditionally, and even give up whatever is left of me to do so.

80-some more days.. and I’m counting down until I see your beautiful little face.

Life Things Pt XXVI

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 12:24:00 -0700

Well, I finally have some free time on my hands between school and work. I’m living with Hannah for a month or so while I finish school, and depending on the return from my Pell Grant I could be moving to Portland or staying here in Phoenix. Inevitably I would love to stay here even though I could live with my dad for free for 6 month, it would cost so much to move there and back to Arizona, all the while keeping Ella at a larger distance from her dad. Yes, free rent sounds great but 6 months flies and then I’ll be in the same position I will be in 3 months from now.

I would however, like to find a roommate. Which sounds nearly impossible with a newborn, but I know I have other single mommy friends who are actually up to the idea. I’m not pushing one way or another right now.. I’m just *preparing* to move regardless and planning on either to happen.

I’m finalizing the important details for my baby shower - date, time, and place - before handing it over to Hannah and her mom. I’m actually really excited to see my friends more than anything! I’ll also be inviting family, and may even turn it into a co-ed party.. I know my guy friends would just embarrass me though.

Otherwise, right now.. I’m doing well. I have a prenatal appointment tomorrow, which also marks my THIRD TRIMESTER. You guys, my third trimester. People say that time flies when you’re pregnant, but it has gone so slow.. I wish that from here on out time would fly, but now is when it gets the slowest. -__-

I have a lot on my mind with this pregnancy, but never enough time to let it out. Tomorrow I am setting aside a block of time to just let it all out. Oh.. tomorrow.