The struggles and pleasant surprises of becoming a strong single mommy-to-be.
Tonight I saw the movie, What To Expect When You’re Expecting, with my roommate’s mom. It was absolutely hilarious, and held a lot of truth.. I knew the 15 other pregnant women there we’re all like, “THIS IS MY LIFE!”
I guess the only part of the movie I had a hard time relating to was the relationship with the father support. Seeing all of the couples made me wish I had more middle fingers. To this day my ex hasn’t touched my belly, even though some of his friends have, but that doesn’t seem to motivate him. People wonder how I can be okay with that, but I do know he’s still scared and wants to do his own thing. I guess the only thing I can expect is that he shows up to the hospital when I tell him I’m having the baby.. And I’m okay with that. He’s not a horrible person, we have a decently functioning friendship, and have been meeting in the middle with time with our dog lately without arguing.
I’ve been told time and time again that I’m the nicest, most sane, understanding and emotionally kept pregnant woman for being in my situation. And it’s true, for the most part. If things get fizzy between my ex and I, I drop the conversation and try again another day with a smile on my face. I don’t ask for much, and I certainly do not expect much either.
To be honest ladies, arguing with a baby’s daddy is such a waste of air. A man already has his mind made up, and a crazy baby’s mama isn’t going to change his mind just because you hold him to expectations in a situation that he’s already not okay with. That was a hard realization, I fought for weeks to get him to take prenatal classes, and I know the whole entire time he’s going to be hating me for it.
There are only a few battles worth fighting for.. And they should only be relevant to the welfare of your child. Not one thing about a relationship, our past or either of our social lives because it doesn’t matter what he’s doing, or who he’s seeing and vice versa.. We both already know we’re not trying to jump into a relationship and love someone else. How can I be upset that he’s out with a girl? I can’t. Plain and simple.
It’s amazing how many women can be the most selfless person when it comes to their child, but cannot get over themselves enough to treat the father of their child with the same respect. I do not let my ex get away with everything, in fact, he’s very aware of the bullshit I will not tolerate and that I do expect him to be an adult when he needs to.. But, at the end of the day he makes his own decisions.
If you’re worried about your baby’s dad letting down your child, then realistically it’s not your job to make sure that doesn’t happen. It’s his, and you can only prepare to be there the extra 110% to prove that a single parent household doesn’t mean they are any less loved or privileged than kids with two parents, seperated or together.
I’ve been encouraged to write more of my single mom-to-be thoughts down, but I don’t like over thinking this situation as the outcome is yet to be. I can however keep my cool about doing this whole entire pregnancy on my own, and confident that it’s only making me stronger. Yes, it can suck and it can be painfully lonely, but it’s the security in myself that keeps me going. The security to know that I don’t *need* the company or support of a man, boyfriend, or whatever to get through the nights, or be my ego boost because yeah, being single and pregnant is sort of the biggest cock block ever to guys who would probably be with you if you weren’t pregnant.
I’m not sure where this is going, but I know that if I can handle being single now, I can handle being single when my nights are spent with my beautiful daughter and knowing that she is the only person in this world I have an obligation to make happy. My ex, and his social life cannot impede that mission, nor can the bittersweet nights of lonliness.