The struggles and pleasant surprises of becoming a strong single mommy-to-be.
THIS ENTIRE PHOTO SUMS UP MY PREGNANCY - A lot of compassion for my child, but not a lot for anyone else, hahaha.
Recently did a group maternity shoot with some other local hot mamas!
Welp, I’m coming around to the 4 week countdown until my due date! Ella is still breech, and I’ll be talking to my OB on Wednesday about how we can flip her, or how he handles breech deliveries if we can’t get her to settle head first before she decides she wants out. I’m honestly terrified of having to opt for a c-section, and would love to try to deliver her vaginally if I can. Other than that, all I have to do is pick up my car seat/stroller traveling system at the end of the week and I’m pretty prepared for her arrival home. I can’t say I’m emotionally there yet, but are any first time moms?
During my entire pregancy I refuse to romanticize the idea of having a child - and it was espcially hard on me given the situation with my ex - which is the reason I don’t parade around my excitement I actually have in me about becoming a mother. It’s easy for me to sit in a room with another mom and talk about parenting styles and the love one has raising their child. I love those conversations, I love building the confidence in myself that I can be a great mom while implimenting rules and ethics in my home. I’m scared and terrified for so much, but I’m absolutely ecstatic for my little girl to arrive. I still don’t romanticize the idea of having a child under these circumstances, but I am in love with the idea of raising a bright and beautiful girl.
We - meaning my ex and I - have been on great terms for Ella’s arrival, and I’m happy to know he’s going to be by my side through it all. It’s been a long journey for us, seeing as we split nearly a year ago, but we have worked to set our differences aside and have grown up a little more to see the reality of this sutuation in its entirety. For me, that’s all I could ask for and I’m happy that we aren’t making things harder on ourselves anymore.
My life is still not where I’d love to be, all of my ducks are not in the pretty row I imagined in the fall but my life is not bad and there’s so many amazing people around me and all of the means are right in front of me to get where I want to be. I have so much faith in the life I’m going to provide.
And, with that said. I’m so happy for the people who have been by my side through the thick and thin of the past 7 or so months. The ones who have reached out to make sure I was okay. The ones who have extended their hands of help. The ones who always encouraged me to stay positive and never lose sight of what I was sacrificing for. Those people are much more than friends, they are my family. At this point in my life, there is only a handful of people who I am bound to by blood that I truly call family and I don’t need to justfy the reasons as to why there are plenty more who I don’t feel obligated to open my heart and life to.
As long as these next few weeks are going to be, I am so happy to be waiting patiently for my little lady’s arrival. Nesting and resting as much as possible until then. :)
I NEED TO WRITE A PREGNANCY QUOTE BOOK (via mmmmilk)
I have a feeling I will be buying a lot of the bigger items on my registry, and I’d like to know what other now mommies consider are the “necessary” home/traveling items you need for the first 3-4 weeks of taking care of a newborn. I’ll be going back to work 2-3 weeks after baby, so I can start buying all of those “items of convenience.”
So, what essential items (list them all!) do you recommend I’ll need?
For those of you who are attending my baby shower - or maybe you’re too far to attend - here’s a reminder link to my registry.
If you haven’t already RSVP’d to the shower, shoot an email to email@example.com. If you think I forgot to invite you, I probably did because Facebook and texts only go so far, and for that I am sorry! Shoot me a message and I’ll give you the details!
Tonight I saw the movie, What To Expect When You’re Expecting, with my roommate’s mom. It was absolutely hilarious, and held a lot of truth.. I knew the 15 other pregnant women there we’re all like, “THIS IS MY LIFE!”
I guess the only part of the movie I had a hard time relating to was the relationship with the father support. Seeing all of the couples made me wish I had more middle fingers. To this day my ex hasn’t touched my belly, even though some of his friends have, but that doesn’t seem to motivate him. People wonder how I can be okay with that, but I do know he’s still scared and wants to do his own thing. I guess the only thing I can expect is that he shows up to the hospital when I tell him I’m having the baby.. And I’m okay with that. He’s not a horrible person, we have a decently functioning friendship, and have been meeting in the middle with time with our dog lately without arguing.
I’ve been told time and time again that I’m the nicest, most sane, understanding and emotionally kept pregnant woman for being in my situation. And it’s true, for the most part. If things get fizzy between my ex and I, I drop the conversation and try again another day with a smile on my face. I don’t ask for much, and I certainly do not expect much either.
To be honest ladies, arguing with a baby’s daddy is such a waste of air. A man already has his mind made up, and a crazy baby’s mama isn’t going to change his mind just because you hold him to expectations in a situation that he’s already not okay with. That was a hard realization, I fought for weeks to get him to take prenatal classes, and I know the whole entire time he’s going to be hating me for it.
There are only a few battles worth fighting for.. And they should only be relevant to the welfare of your child. Not one thing about a relationship, our past or either of our social lives because it doesn’t matter what he’s doing, or who he’s seeing and vice versa.. We both already know we’re not trying to jump into a relationship and love someone else. How can I be upset that he’s out with a girl? I can’t. Plain and simple.
It’s amazing how many women can be the most selfless person when it comes to their child, but cannot get over themselves enough to treat the father of their child with the same respect. I do not let my ex get away with everything, in fact, he’s very aware of the bullshit I will not tolerate and that I do expect him to be an adult when he needs to.. But, at the end of the day he makes his own decisions.
If you’re worried about your baby’s dad letting down your child, then realistically it’s not your job to make sure that doesn’t happen. It’s his, and you can only prepare to be there the extra 110% to prove that a single parent household doesn’t mean they are any less loved or privileged than kids with two parents, seperated or together.
I’ve been encouraged to write more of my single mom-to-be thoughts down, but I don’t like over thinking this situation as the outcome is yet to be. I can however keep my cool about doing this whole entire pregnancy on my own, and confident that it’s only making me stronger. Yes, it can suck and it can be painfully lonely, but it’s the security in myself that keeps me going. The security to know that I don’t *need* the company or support of a man, boyfriend, or whatever to get through the nights, or be my ego boost because yeah, being single and pregnant is sort of the biggest cock block ever to guys who would probably be with you if you weren’t pregnant.
I’m not sure where this is going, but I know that if I can handle being single now, I can handle being single when my nights are spent with my beautiful daughter and knowing that she is the only person in this world I have an obligation to make happy. My ex, and his social life cannot impede that mission, nor can the bittersweet nights of lonliness.
The physical change everyone usually expects during pregnancy is happening over night it seems like. You can finally see the weight I’ve gained, my belly is getting more round from it’s previous pointy shape it held, my feet swell off and on, and my skin breaks occasionally too. The skin on my belly is holding up well still, and my doctor says baby is growing beautifully.
BUT ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE, WHAT’S UP WITH THESE BRAXTON HICKS?
Friday night I had 5+ hours of mild Braxton Hicks contractions, and I was put on bed rest and was told to stay out of the gym! Since then, they’ve slowed down but they have intensified when they happen. Ella ~*comfortably*~ sits head down, and kicks my rib cage now.. Breathing can become a chore too. Standing up and stretching is my only relief. Gah.
I thought I was going to be a magical pregnancy unicorn until the end, but I guess not. :(